Holding Addah in the NICU

Holding Addah in the NICU

These days, there’s nothing I enjoy more than holding Addah in the NICU. I got to nurse Addah again today for the first time since Wednesday! She was so worn out from her first try that it was back to the finger feeding for a couple of days, but she’s a stronger girl now and was ready to try breastfeeding again. It took her a few minutes to figure out what to do (all over again) but she did latch and nurse for a few minutes before she got too tired.

Yesterday was a long day of aching, soreness, bruising and visitors. My father and his wife had come up from FL to be with us and late last night, Drew’s mother showed up as well. My IV was removed and I was astounded at the massive purple and black bruises that were left from the poking in the OR. I looked and felt like I’d been in a major car accident. I had a 3×4″ black bruise on my belly from where my skin had been clamped in surgery and a bruise on my upper right arm from the bed rail.

I was discharged. We puttered around for most of the morning, mostly because I was still having so much trouble walking and moving around that it took me until noon to get dressed and feel comfortable enough to leave. We visited Addah one more time and then left with my mother around 1pm. It was so depressing to leave the hospital without my baby, but so wonderful to be going home to my sweet toddler girl. I had missed Lakin so much, I never spent more than 3 hours away from her at all until Addah was born.

Lakin is very confused, first from being at Grandma’s with us when the power was out, and then being at Grandma’s without us when we were in the hospital. She is so happy to be back with us but I think she wonders about the baby. She knew that the baby was in Mama’s belly, now she pats my belly, says Baby and when I tell her “no, your baby is in the hospital and will be coming home soon” she looks totally perplexed. She does have pictures of Addah and likes to point to them and tell us “baby”. I can’t wait for these sisters to meet!

We left the hospital at 10 in the morning, and within 10 minutes we were sitting on the side of the road with a flat tire. We already were using the spare tire from a flat tire 6 weeks ago that we couldn’t afford to get fixed and now we were stuck here. It was pouring down rain and so, as much as I hated calling my mother because she has already done so much for us, I really have no choice. She came to get Lakin and I and my step dad took Drew to get our tire fixed. Turns out it could not be plugged because the steel belts were showing so we had to buy a new used tire – $18. We had $30 so now we’re down to $12 left, the last $12 we have. Can things possibly get any worse?

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I'm Heather, a married mama of two teen girls, a stillborn baby girl (7/1/12), and a sweet and wild preschool girl (4/2/14). I've been blogging at The Destiny Manifest since 2001. I like to write about appreciating all of the beautiful little things that surround us, particularly in the face of grief, infant loss and mental health issues. Every day is an adventure!

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