5 weeks old

In many ways it seems like it’s been forever since Addah was born, and in many ways it seems like yesterday. We fought nipple confusion for about a week but now my little one is nursing wonderfully and all the time. She’s made up for lost time… we weighed her yesterday and she was 6 lbs 4 oz, 2 whole pounds of weight gain in only 3½ weeks.

She was 5 weeks old yesterday and is just now starting to wake up more frequently and behave like a normal newborn acts, if that makes sense. She has pretty much slept the past 3 weeks away and now she has more frequent awake and alert periods. She is gorgeous, looks just like Lakin did at the same age. Lakin adores her sister, she kisses her and tries to pick her up if we don’t watch her constantly. Addah loves her sling, she settles right down into it and snoozes away, which is great cause without it I don’t know how I’d keep up with Lakin, especially since Drew has a new full-time job that he started the week after Addah came home. She sleeps happily between us.

I had a lot of unresolved feelings about Addah’s birth but I think I’ve put most of them to rest. The birth could not have been further from what we had planned and what we wanted so badly, but I know that had I not gone to the hospital when I did, things could have been disastrous.

To my mind, hospitals are intended for emergencies, and that is what we were having. I feel no guilt about having planned an unattended home birth and if I had it to do over again, I would have done things no differently. It took me a while to realize that I did not cause the placental abruption and I could have done nothing to prevent it.

I still mourn the fact that I have never had the gentle, vaginal births that I wanted, and since we are not having any more children, that I never will…. but I do have 2 wonderful, beautiful and intelligent little girls and that does help to soften the blow quite a bit.

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I'm Heather, a married mama of two teen girls, a stillborn baby girl (7/1/12), and a sweet and wild preschool girl (4/2/14). I've been blogging at The Destiny Manifest since 2001. I like to write about appreciating all of the beautiful little things that surround us, particularly in the face of grief, infant loss and mental health issues. Every day is an adventure!

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