This is my first time participating in “Stream of Consciousness Sunday”, hosted by Fadra of AllThingsFadra.com. The idea is to type for 5 minutes, a brain dump of sorts, and then to publish without editing the writing at all. Believe it or not, it helped me work through the the weight on my mind tonight.
May is a difficult month for me. I’ve had a lot of hard things happen during the month of May, in past years. I wondered the other day if May is harder because I expect it to be, because I am reminded of how hard May was before, in 2006 and 2007. Does that make it more difficult than it would normally be? Like, am I not letting myself heal, by setting myself up for “May will be difficult”?
My first wedding anniversary was in May, on the 27th. My marriage ended in May, and he moved out in May. I went on my first post-separation bender in May, and ended up in the hospital for observation overnight. The following year, my best friend died in May, 4 years ago this week in fact. A week after that, my cat died. I’d had him for 12 years.
May is such a pretty month, and I want to be enjoying the spring breezes and newly sprouting garden, but it’s still very hard to work through the pain of the past and actually focus on the here and now. Maybe next year I’ll be more successful.