Missing Pieces – Stream of Consciousness Sunday

I participated in “Stream of Consciousness Sunday”, hosted by Fadra of AllThingsFadra.com for the first time last week. The idea is to type for 5 minutes, a brain dump of sorts, and then to publish without editing the writing at all. I really enjoyed it last week and have been looking forward to this quiet 5 minutes all day long. 🙂

#SOCsunday

It’s been a long day for me. My girls went to spend the night with their dad last night, for the first overnight visit in weeks. I was glad that they were going, because they miss their dad a lot when he doesn’t see them, and I know it’s important to them to spend that time there, but I was nervous too. They clash with him quite a bit, and even more so with his wife, and I never know whether to expect happiness or tears when they come home after a visit.

David & I had the day to ourselves, and in the past, we’ve filled that time by going out to lunch or walking around the park… spending the day lying in bed even. Today, it was odd… like I kept expecting the girls to call, or for their dad to bring them home early, as has happened in recent weeks. We just kind of rattled around in the house, him drawing intermittently, me hanging out laundry, then washing two dishes before drifting back to the computer, but not for long. I had no focus today. None. I’ve gotten so used to the girls being here all the time, that it feels foreign for them to be gone, even for less than 24 hours.

They came home, glad to see us… one happy, one angry at her dad over some injustice. I was grateful to have them home, so I could stop feeling like I had puzzle pieces missing in my head.

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I'm Heather, a married mama of two teen girls, a stillborn baby girl (7/1/12), and a sweet and wild preschool girl (4/2/14). I've been blogging at The Destiny Manifest since 2001. I like to write about appreciating all of the beautiful little things that surround us, particularly in the face of grief, infant loss and mental health issues. Every day is an adventure!

Latest posts by Heather O. (see all)

  • I have a feeling that Lakin and her dad are always going to have a love/hate relationship. I do whatever I can to facilitate him seeing them, and I used to do a lot more… I’d drive them 30 minutes each way to see him at his work, take them to his house (at his request) and wait there b/c he worked until midnight but wanted them there when he got home. It all changed and we became “not friends” when he remarried. He’s been erratic ever since with visitation.

    I think he thinks that the girls won’t hold it against him. He is quite mistaken, and it’s got nothing to do with me. I don’t badmouth him, and I reassure them that I know he loves them, when they are crying that he doesn’t. I can’t do more than that. I can’t make him be a father.

    Bit of a tangent there… but thank you Crystal! I hope it’s a phase too, but I fear that it’s just a warm-up.

  • I have a feeling that Lakin and her dad are always going to have a
    love/hate relationship. I do whatever I can to facilitate him seeing
    them, and I used to do a lot more… I’d drive them 30 minutes each way
    to see him at his work, take them to his house (at his request) and wait
    there b/c he worked until midnight but wanted them there when he got
    home. It all changed and we became “not friends” when he remarried. He’s
    been erratic ever since with visitation.

    I think he thinks
    that the girls won’t hold it against him. He is quite mistaken, and
    it’s got nothing to do with me. I don’t badmouth him, and I reassure
    them that I know he loves them, when they are crying that he doesn’t. I
    can’t do more than that. I can’t make him be a father.

    Bit of a tangent there… but thank you Crystal! I hope it’s a phase too, but I fear that it’s just a warm-up.