Stress Rest

Every week I participate in “Stream of Consciousness Sunday”, hosted by Fadra of The idea is to type for 5 minutes, a brain dump of sorts, and then to publish without editing the writing at all.

I went on a bit of a tangent today, I suppose… I needed to vent the stress from my mind and put it down in writing, so it seemed perfect for a brain dump.

It’s been an eventful few days here, and not necessarily in a good way. I wrote about how I started bleeding some on Wednesday, and it continued, not a lot, but enough to worry us, until Friday afternoon. It stopped, abruptly as if someone had turned off a faucet. I woke up Saturday morning feeling as though a prizefighter pummeled my chest to shreds, which I take as a good sign, though quite painfully tender.

So far, the bleeding has not shown its’ face again. We are hopeful that things will be okay for the next 7ish months and we can have our baby.

We think it might have been caused by, or exacerbated by, my stress levels. Of course money is always a worry, as is David’s job, Lakin’s medical issues and a variety of other things that we have going on. I am trying to keep my mind on positive things, though that is not always an easy thing to do.

We were gifted this week with a very ugly response from a person whom we thought to be a friend and ally. Apparently, in this person’s mind, there is an unspoken financial level one must reach before they are “allowed” to have a baby, and we broke this rule. Of course, many of us would not exist today if wealth were a requirement for having children… I know that certainly applies to myself, my siblings, and David, as well as this unhappy person who hurt us.

People who hurt, tend to want to hurt other people. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but neither do I want to be judged for the choices that my husband and I make. We’re doing the best we have with what we’ve got, and that’s as good as it gets for now.

Thank you to every one who commented and messaged and twittered good wishes and love and luck! I appreciate every kind word, much more than I can express.

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I'm Heather, a married mama of two teen girls, a stillborn baby girl (7/1/12), and a sweet and wild preschool girl (4/2/14). I've been blogging at The Destiny Manifest since 2001. I like to write about appreciating all of the beautiful little things that surround us, particularly in the face of grief, infant loss and mental health issues. Every day is an adventure!

Latest posts by Heather O. (see all)

  • Good Girl Gone Green

    People just love to give their two cents when not asked, eh? I hate that. Keep your ugly comments to yourself!

    I hope your medical issue is all cleared up and you are feeling better! Have a  great week!

  • I appreciate it! You have a great week too! 🙂

  • I hope the worst is behind you and things go smoothly.

    Who is he to judge? I have a post lined up for later in the week about judgement because I’ve been dealing with some to. Ignore him and move on. Not his life or his choice! Neither myself or my daughter would be here if children were a financial decision.

  • Kir

    oh my friend, first I am so glad that you are no longer bleeding, that’s great news. Stress can do so many icky things to you, just breath and I’ll keep the good thoughts coming.

    as for the people who will tell you how and when to build your family, well they have no right, this is YOUR journey, I am sorry in the midst of infertility that you were attacked with words about finances too…karma is a bitch, I hope they know that.

    all my hugs to you. xo

  • ohhhh… I am so sorry for your stress and I pray it all works out for you. I remember when I was pregnant with my first and sooooo very excited and one of my husband’s co-workers said something so rude to me about the terrible timing and he knew my husband must be more excited then he lets on… whoa… this was at a company picnic, no less. People are so unthinking… I am grateful I found you via SOC Sunday so I could give you a hug…

  • Hope you can relax and de-stress.  I feel like pregnancy, with its discomfort and new burdens, can make that so much harder. Which is why I chatted with my shrink and decided to stay on my meds. I was just feeling stable before hand and I really don’t think now’s a good time to rock the boat, especially since all my other stresses (my husband’s crazy hours, my son’s autism) are still there.

    So I feel you. And I hope both of us get through the next several months!

  • So glad to hear that you have stopped bleeding. I can’t imagine that stress…and knowing there is nothing you can do about it! Having to just wait and see something out is so so difficult sometimes.

    And about the haters? Move on. They don’t deserve you guys.

    Here’s hoping that the coming days are less stressful!

  • Thank you Crystal! David & I have been pretty upset about the whole ordeal, but trying to focus on us and our little family.

  • Thank you! You are absolutely right this is my journey & David’s journey, and if we’re happy, no one else should have anything to say about it.

    The hugs mean so much! xoxo

  • David keeps reminding me that her reaction will be her karma… our reaction will become ours. He’s right, I know. I just don’t understand why people have to judge others so harshly. I’m grateful for the hugs! Thank you!

  • Thank you Jessica! I feel you on just finally feeling stable and then having these new stresses to shake things up a bit. I wish for the best for both of us! 🙂

  • Thank you Tanya! So far, so good, with fingers crossed!

  • Shaylin Surratt

    Good lord, what is with that lately? Erin (LSG) got grief for getting pregnant with her 3rd child because of financial issues as well. And they just found out it’s a girl, so people are “sending condolences” for having another girl. Whatever. Everyone else sucks. 

    Get on with your bad self. <3

  • I’ve come to that conclusion as well… some people just suck. I have a feeling we’ll get the “condolences” if it’s a girl, too. After all, we already have two of those. /sigh

  • FadraN

    I’m so sorry you have people around you that feel the need to judge. Every time I judged someone in private (to myself), I always regret it and usually am wrong. I’ve learned that until/unless you walk a mile in someone’s shoes, keep it to yourself. Hope you are feeling better!

  • I know I have been guilty of judging (in private or to my husband) but, like you, I have always regretted it. I promised myself a long time ago that I would try to avoid gossip at all costs, and I have worked very hard to stick to this. For the most part, I have been successful at this, and I am a much happier person for it.

    Thank you Fadra!