The Truth Hurts

Every week I participate in “Stream of Consciousness Sunday”, hosted by Fadra of The idea is to type for 5 minutes, a brain dump of sorts, and then to publish without editing the writing at all.

I’m struggling mightily with a lot of things right now, this week. Among those things… trying to stay positive, telling myself not to just give up and quit, convincing myself not to scream a hundred nasty things at every other person who crosses my path.

I don’t even know where to start, not that I feel like I should be “corrupting” this blog with my anxiety and despair at this point. In many ways, I am very lucky. In many other ways, I feel like I just can’t catch a break to save my life. David and I try, very hard, every day. We want good things for our family. Not material things, just simple things like a certainty of food and a roof over our heads. Enough money to pay for the necessities and make ends meet. If the ends actually cross over each other from time to time, all the better.

Right now, nothing is certain. We are in a precarious position in every regard and no amount of trying seems to be making a single bit of difference. We are within 24 hours of losing our phones and our internet. We are within 30 days of losing our home. I don’t know what the answer is. I wish I did.

I apologize for the depressing post. I try to stay upbeat and positive, in spite of my genetic inclination to think of glasses as half empty. I’m not sure anyone could find happiness and hope in the position we are in right now. It’s a daily struggle… and at the moment, I am losing the fight.

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I'm Heather, a married mama of two teen girls, a stillborn baby girl (7/1/12), and a sweet and wild preschool girl (4/2/14). I've been blogging at The Destiny Manifest since 2001. I like to write about appreciating all of the beautiful little things that surround us, particularly in the face of grief, infant loss and mental health issues. Every day is an adventure!

Latest posts by Heather O. (see all)

  • TheReadQueen

    I am so sorry you are going through this right now. Allow yourself to feel angry and worried. Forcing yourself to stay upbeat can be exhausting I’m sure. My thoughts are with you.

  • Good Girl Gone Green

    I am too, so very sorry you are going through that right no! You are allowed to be angry and worried. Thinking about you!

  • I understand right where you are, and it is scary and hard, and your feelings are valid. I’m so sorry you are in this position. I’m sending warm thoughts and prayers your way. 

  • Hugs and prayers to you. That is not an easy situation to be in. You can get through this even if it is with some bumps and bruises.

  • I appreciate your honesty. It is better, I think, then pretending or faking it. With that said, Hang on… and let us know how it goes. Sending love and positive vibes. HUGS!

  • Crystal @ Phases of Me

    I’ve stood on the corner of despair and lost hope myself. Hugs to you, sweet friend. I wish I could make it better.

  • Thank you Crystal! You’re a good friend and I’m glad to have you. 🙂

  • Thank you Julie! The hugs mean a lot! 🙂

  • Thank you for the hugs and the prayers, Audra! 🙂

  • Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers, Tracie!

  • I appreciate your words, more than you know. Thank you!

  • Thank you so much for your support!