Several days ago, a woman from my natural pregnancy group posed the question “what are you the most proud of, as far as how you have handled this pregnancy?” I realized, upon considering this question, how much I have really accomplished within myself over the last nine months… the last nine years, really.
After Addah was born in 2002, I was done, absolutely done, with having babies. I couldn’t imagine going through another hospital birth and I felt that my family was complete. I never even questioned that feeling, just felt contentedly “done” with having more children. It wasn’t until a few years post-divorce from Drew, when David & I finally started our new life together, that the feeling wavered. He wanted a child of his own and I wanted to give him that, more than anything. I felt a void in our little family that I had never felt before and I just knew that we were supposed to bring another child into the world.
A couple of years and several miscarriages later, we decided that it just wasn’t meant to be, that perhaps my body was too damaged from my two previous births and a child together was not in the cards. Turns out, we were wrong… and we were thrilled to discover that we were pregnant, yet again. A little faith, a little luck and somehow, my body has proudly defied the doctors who said I could not carry a baby to term.
I’m proud of how positive I have been throughout this pregnancy. With my other girls, I was so anxious to be done, to have my baby NOW, from about 20 weeks on… and this time, I feel calm, peaceful and ready to see this pregnancy through to 40 weeks and beyond, if that’s how it plays out. I won’t lie… I’m uncomfortable and hot, tired and sore, but I know the best thing for this baby is to stay inside for as long as she can, and I am going to see it through. I am proud of myself for having more confidence in my own body than I did with my other kids, and proud of my body for carrying me through to full term this time.
I believe in my body’s ability to birth this baby naturally, without a medical induction or another unnecessary cesarean, and I have every confidence that we are making the right decision in allowing our daughter to choose her own birth date.
I am proud of my littlest daughter and how big and strong she has grown within my body. My skin is stretched to what seems like maximum capacity, and I have a new stretch mark pop up every day, but I am so proud of those marks, which prove what my body is capable of doing.
As of tonight, at 10:55pm EST, I will officially be more pregnant than I have ever been before. I am so incredible proud of this milestone, just as I was when I passed 33 weeks 2 days (the day when Addah was born in that pregnancy).
My body is strong. My body was made to do this job. My body was made to carry and nurture these children. It has been a very long road, but I am proud of my body, finally.