I am still standing, though the ground feels very shaky at times, and putting one foot in front of the other is more than I can manage on some days.
I am still standing, while a part of my heart is held forever in a ceramic and copper urn on my bedroom shelf.
I am still standing, while I am selling the cloth diapers that I lovingly purchased for my stillborn daughter, because I need rent money more than a box of diapers that I may never use, and it feels like it’s ripping a hole in the already fraying fabric of the peace I have managed to gather close to me.
I am still standing, while our excitement over a positive pregnancy test turns into that familiar ache of cramping and blood that means we will not be adding another child to our home in 2013.
I am still standing, though this is the first year since I became a mama in 2001 that I have not thought of Mother’s Day with joy and happiness. Instead, I feel sad, and a little lost, and more than a little guilty for feeling this way. I keep asking myself if I have the right to be sad, even though I believe that I have earned that right, and that it does not diminish my gratitude and love for my older children.
I am still standing, because I have two beautiful daughters here who will shower me with handmade cards and hugs and love. I know that I am so lucky to have them, the loves of my life.
I am still standing, but I miss my baby, more than words can say.
It has been 10 months since my youngest daughter died, but I am still standing.
Sunday May 5th is International Bereaved Mother’s Day. This is a day to honor the mothers who are not able to celebrate with one or more of their children, but still deserve to be honored. Let’s #BreaktheSilence
For more about International Bereaved Mother’s Day, please be sure to visit the CarlyMarie Project.
To honor the bereaved mothers, including myself, several bloggers have joined together to host a linkup. We encourage anyone who has suffered a loss of a baby or a child to link your story. Share your grief. Or how you have healed. You can share successes and how you have moved on or dealt with your loss. It can be an old post or a new post, or several posts if you have more than one you’d like to contribute.
This is our opportunity to share what is on our hearts. Our day to share with other mothers who understand and for those who may not have experienced this to read a little more into our hearts. #BreaktheSilence
Please be sure to visit the co-hosts!