A Father’s Day Letter To My Grieving Husband

Happy Father’s Day to you, my love.

Thank you for being a wonderful and caring dad to our tweens. You would have been the most amazing daddy to our baby girl. In the short time that we knew her, the sound of your voice made her the happiest. She loved you very much, you know. You are truly loved by all of us.

Thank you for loving my girls as your own children, because in every way that matters, they are. Thank you for supporting them as they navigate the fractured relationship with their biological father, and for never making them feel like they have to choose between the two of you.

Thank you for still standing by my side, supporting me and keeping the weight of our combined sadness and loss from crushing us under its’ weight. I know you have struggled. I know you are heartbroken over the loss of Clara, your only biological child. I wish that I could alleviate that pain and grief, and that I never had to see such sadness in your eyes. I can’t take it away, but I will always be here to help you bear it.

Thank you for being strong enough to cry and share your emotions and fears. Thank you for trusting me with your heart, which I treasure more than I can say.

Thank you for working without complaining, even when it feels like the money is all gone before it even hits the bank account. It has been a long and difficult year for our family, but we are climbing, slowly but surely, and that’s mostly because of you.

Thank you for putting up with me. I know I’m not easy to live with, especially not this past year. I cry at the drop of a hat. I can fly into a rage over nothing (and sometimes everything). I alternate between angry, distraught, guilt-ridden, happy, content, excited, goofy, and then back to angry and terribly sad… every day. You have never stop letting me know that you love me.

You are the strong one, not me, no matter what you say. It’s sounds so cliche to say, but you truly are my rock. I can’t imagine surviving the past year without you by my side. In October, it will be 20 years since we first met. I hope that your hand is still in mine when another 20 years have passed.

Thank you for loving us so well.

We love you, David, always and forever.

Love,
Heather, Lakie Bear, Addah Bee & Clara Bunny

Father's Day - It takes a special man to be a dad.

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I'm Heather, a married mama of two teen girls, a stillborn baby girl (7/1/12), and a sweet and wild preschool girl (4/2/14). I've been blogging at The Destiny Manifest since 2001. I like to write about appreciating all of the beautiful little things that surround us, particularly in the face of grief, infant loss and mental health issues. Every day is an adventure!

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  • Oh absolutely beautiful Heather and Happy Father’s Day to David!! 🙂

  • That was a beautiful letter, Heather. I’m sorry this year had been so difficult for your family as you grieve for Clara. I hope this post makes your husband a little less sad today.

    • Thank you so much, Dana. It was a rough day for him, but the girls wrote him sweet cards that made him cry… it made things easier.

  • zoe

    He sounds like a great guy. Im sorry about this past year. Losing a kiddo has got to be hell. SOunds like you both have been sturdy anchors for each other and the rest of your family. Best to you all. Happy Father’s Day.

    • He is a wonderful guy, the best of the best. Thank you Zoe!

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  • Siri

    He’s lucky to have you too! Don’t underestimate your own value; you are a very special and beautiful person, both inside and out. Your kind heart and lovely nature shines out through your writing; I think you probably aren’t aware of quite how much power you possess. And by power I mean your ability to write in such a way that your heart and soul are revealed and the reader feels included, and … what’s the word I want? Nurtured? Sounds funny, I know, but I’m sure other readers will agree with me. You have an amazing talent for writing in a way that’s simple and accessible, and yet incredibly complex and satisfying.

    You deserve to have a baby AND a career; I hope you have both. A child won’t replace Clara, or be a band-aid on your grief, but he or she would allow you both to unpack some of the emotions you have had to put away for the time being, as you had to put aside Clara’s diapers and clothes.

    Regardless of what the future holds, though, I know that every one of your readers will be cheering you on. And when your first novel is published, I’ll be first in line to buy it!

    • Siri, this is honestly the best comment I’ve ever gotten. Your words have me in tears… I don’t think anyone’s ever said some of those things to me before, and it feels good to hear them!

      Two little words aren’t enough to convey how much your comment means to me, but I’ll say them anyway — thank you!