Baby Steps and Rainbows

Thinking about: It’s been a full week since I wrote for the blog or myself, and it’s been a long time since I’ve gone that long without writing. I apologize if it is tiresome to keep reading that “it’s been a hard week” — it is equally as tiresome to keep living hard weeks. In the past seven days of not-blogging, I have done my best to remain fairly productive, in spite of my deep down desire to just huddle under the fuzzy blanket on my bed and alternate sleeping and crying.

There are a lot of changes I’d like to make… for myself, within myself. I’m struggling with writing and blogging, and I’m not sure why. It’s taken me days to figure out what to write here, and that’s not something I typically have trouble with. Everything I started felt forced, or too emotional, or not emotional enough. So I did everything but write.

Worried about: I want to lose weight. I’m not at all happy with my weight or health. I feel defeated before I begin, because the mountain is such a ridiculously high one, but I can’t allow myself to use that as an excuse not to begin either. I want my family to exercise more. I want to be able to walk to the mailbox and back (1/4 mile) without feeling like I’m going to either have a heart attack or blow out my bad knee. A quarter mile is difficult for me. How ridiculous is that?! Of course my knees and ankles hurt! They were not intended to carry this much weight.

So… I’m trying to change. The four of us walked to the front of the apartment complex and back this evening – 0.8 miles. 14 minutes. I was beat when we got back, but I’m going to do it again in the morning and evening. They are baby steps, but they are steps.

Baby Steps in Rainbow Shoes | The Destiny Manifest

Listening to: I absolutely love to listen to music… it feeds my senses and soothes the heartache. When David got home from work last night, he brought his iPod and speakers into the bedroom, wrapped his arms around me, and we kissed and sang and listened to music until the kids came in from playing outside. It was beautiful… the kind of connection that makes it all feel better.

Darius Rucker’s cover of “Wagon Wheel” has been in my head for days. It makes me smile every time I hear it.

 

Watching: My sister told us about “Orange is the New Black”, a new Netflix series that focuses on life (and the women) within a women’s prison. My preference would have been to binge watch all 13 episodes in 1-2 days, but that’s just not possible when David has to be at work so early. We’ve watched 1-2 episodes a day and finished the series tonight. It’s excellent… really excellent, and I am glad to know that a second season is coming. It’s been a while since I felt so invested in characters from a television show, but it’s not all that surprising; I loved producer Jenji Kohan’s “Weeds” just as much.

Reading: I’ve finished one book and started another. I read “Orange is the New Black”, thinking that since I was enjoying the show so much on Netflix, the book would be even better. Eh, not so much. This is one of those rare instances where I think the path the show is taking is much more interesting than that of the original memoir. Once I wrapped that one up, I started reading “The Dark Side of Innocence: Growing Up Bipolar”. I’m only a couple of chapters in, but so far it’s very good.

Knitting: I’ve finished a new pair of socks for my mom and I’m almost done with her second pair. I should have that one finished this evening. I’ll knit one more pair for her, and then a pair for Lizzi… and then David wants more. He’s slightly addicted to his hand-knit socks, which makes me feel very good.

Hand-Knit Socks | The Destiny Manifest

Loving: David’s been grilling for us lately, in the moments between rain storms. Last night we had grilled hot dogs, and two nights before, he grilled chicken breasts marinated in Italian dressing. Delicious! Also, we saw a rainbow after the last storm, and it made me think of our sweet Clara, who would have been 13 months old tomorrow.

Baby Steps and Rainbows | The Destiny Manifest

So how about you? How is your week going?

I’m connecting with others via Wordless/Wordful Wednesday today! Check out my blog hop directory to see who else is participating, as well as the other blog hops that I join each week!
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I'm Heather, a married mama of two teen girls, a stillborn baby girl (7/1/12), and a sweet and wild preschool girl (4/2/14). I've been blogging at The Destiny Manifest since 2001. I like to write about appreciating all of the beautiful little things that surround us, particularly in the face of grief, infant loss and mental health issues. Every day is an adventure!

Latest posts by Heather O. (see all)

  • TaMara

    Congrats to you on going for that walk! I’ve been neglecting my exercise time the past couple weeks and I feel like a slug now.

    • That’s exactly what I feel like… a slug. I woke up today at 5:45 and have been making myself clean all the clutter and dust (and dishes and dirty clothes) instead of sitting on the computer. I am sweating and just exhausted… from cleaning! Nothing crazy, just basic house cleaning! It makes me so angry with myself for letting myself get to this point… gotta work on it!

      • TaMara

        I’ll work on it with you! I struggle with getting OFF the computer and DOING something. So that’s my goal is to be more active, less slug-like, and less attached to this computer.

        • Yes! I can always find something else I *need* to do on the computer, and I enjoy it more than vacuuming. I’m having a power struggle with my own laziness. 😛

  • JViola79

    Great for you for taking that first step at all!!! Keep going. Do a little each day but don’t stop. It is so hard to get back in the groove once you do. I am out of the groove as I write this 🙂 Thanks for inspiring me this morning! I visited from Wordless Wed.

    Have a great week!
    Joanne

    • Thank you for visiting, Joanne! I’m glad I could inspire you (and I’ve inspired myself too — as I write this, I have a timer going — only allowing myself 20 minutes on the computer before I have to go for a walk!

  • Oh sometimes we totally do need time away and trust me I have my moments, too. But just happy to know you are ok and please know you were missed. By the way, we too have been taking advantage of grilling more this summer and have been loving it!!

    • You always impress me, Janine, because it seems like no matter what is going on in your life, you always have an upbeat post to make your readers smile. Every.single.day! That’s just more than I have in me most of the time and I’m a little jealous. 😉

  • cathykennedy

    Every woman in America can relate to your weight struggles. I remember after the birth of my last child. I had 75+ pounds I had to drop. The first 6-months I was too exhausted and depressed to attempt to do anything about it, but I knew I had to or I would be doomed for the rest of my life. It took me a year and a half, but I got it off. It was no easy job and many of day I wanted to throw in the towel.

    You’re on the right track by making yourself baby step toward your goals. Did you know that reducing your calorie intake by 500 calories will result in a pound lost? There’s a goal you can set for yourself every day. You can bet your last dollar that you will find a huge support group amongst your bloggy friends and they’ll be happy to cheer you on to victory. You go, girl! 😀

    The Wheel

    • Thanks Cathy! My biggest problem with weight loss is that I don’t eat nearly enough. For my weight/height, MyFitnessPal tells me that I should be eating 1830 calories a day. Yesterday, I ate 1312 calories. The day before, I ate 982 calories.

      I haven’t bothered to learn about carbs/fat/protein (beyond the basics that everyone knows) because I’ve just taken this bury-my-head-in-the-sand approach to things, but I’m sure there’s something there that’s affecting my weight loss too. I’ve been told that my body is likely in starvation mode and I need to eat more, but that’s challenging for me.

      I’m working on it though. 🙂

      • cathykennedy

        I definitely wouldn’t go below 1200 calories per/day. Several years ago, I was found myself gaining weight for no reason and I believe a big part of had to do with hormone imbalance, but another was I wasn’t eating enough. Despite my vigorous exercising, the pounds piled on. This is behind me, but I know it’s an easy thing to happen again if I don’t keep my guard up.

        Eat to fuel your muscles and exercise to burn fat. Find something you enjoy. Do you like dancing? If so, consider Zumba. It gives you an excellent cardio workout. Don’t be discouraged if it’s hard, just go at your own pace. Remember, the first 3-days to a fitness program is the most difficult period. Once you start day four, then you’ll find it to be a bit easier.

        Best of luck to you!

  • Considerer

    beautiful rainbow, beautiful socks, beautiful YOU. I missed you this week and was gonna send you a message if you hadn’t posted today 🙂 Glad to see you back in the Blogosphere.

    Happy to be a co-accountability partner for weight loss if you want? My other’s gone off-track a little now she’s lost her weight – I’m still plugging away *sigh*

    SO glad you’re back 😀

    • Thank you so much, LIzzi. I’ve been horrible at commenting and responding lately, but I read and enjoy every word you write (in case you didn’t know).

      I could use an accountability partner — and I’m happy to do the same for you. I’m trying to summon the courage to post exactly what I weigh, to keep myself accountable for sticking to it, but the thought is terrifying. Let’s just say that the number is… high. Higher than you would think, probably. I told my neighbor last night and she said “uh uh, you don’t weigh that much”. I am lucky to be tall, but I (and my knees) feel every miserable pound.

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  • Dude Mom

    Losing weight is such a hard journey to take, but so fulfilling. I guess like everything else worth having! Good luck!

    • Thank you! I’m really wishing I could skip to the part where I post “after” pictures and write about what a struggle it was but I stuck to it and look how much I lost… I could do with skipping the in-between part where I have to stay motivated. If only, right?

  • torthuil

    Here from Mel’s roundup. Great goals! I hope you do keep up your “baby steps” – you can do it! I like the blog a lot – I have been here to read before but this is first time leaving a comment.

    • Thanks for stopping by, Torthuil, and I hope you’ll visit again soon!