Connection {Living with Bipolar I Disorder}

I have always had a therapist, since my first visit in July 2006. It never helped, but I do/did have one. My diagnoses are Ultra-radian Cycling Bipolar I Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder, with symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, but not enough to make it a diagnosis. Basically the doctors throw cutting & suicide attempts […]


I’m a mess right now. Mania, running hard and fast, 100 miles a minute toward a concrete wall. Making stupid choices, irresponsible decisions, *knowing* they’re stupid and irresponsible and fumbling on anyway, just because it feels good at the time. My brain feels like the uncooked yolk of an egg. Almost welcoming the inevitable crash, […]


Chris tells me that I need faith. I think I do have faith – I just don’t believe in God. I have faith that one day I’ll look back and know that leaving Drew was the best thing I ever did. I’ll know with absolute certainty that the pain of being alone is still better […]


In the darkest hours of the nightwhen my pain drips into a toweland I silently scream to be free    from myself.I will myself to be strong    (or is it weak?)enough to find the answerin the cutsthat weep and run through    my should never hurt this much.

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