Living My Life & Finding The Words

life update

I click over to the back end of my blog at least once a week, sometimes more. I know it doesn’t look like it… the blog looks deserted and a little bit dusty. I’m still here, dear reader, living my life, trying to find peace and happiness in all the little things around me, and I have a deep down urge to tell you all about the good and the bad.

I just can’t seem to find the words anymore.

There are too many stories that are not mine to tell anymore, even though I am going through them too. If the blog were a bit more anonymous, then I would probably feel more able to share, but that ship sailed many years ago.

My blog has evolved a dozen or more times over the 15 years that I have been here, and most of those evolutions have involved a long period of quiet while I sorted out whatever was going on in my life. I like to think this is just one of those times, and I will be back.

I just have to figure out how to come back… what I have to offer.

I don’t want to alienate those who found me through the baby loss communities when I share stories and pictures of our rainbow baby, though that may be inevitable. I treasure each of you with whom I share a┬ámutual loss. I am still one of you, but the wound is not as fresh as it once was, and that is partly due to the passage of time, and partly due to those whom I met when I was writing my way through my grief on this blog.

I have met many readers who identified with my struggles with my oldest daughter’s mental health issues. I am still there, and I am sorry to say that, if anything, those struggles are more intense than ever before, but I am not comfortable voicing those things to the internet at large anymore. My daughter is almost 15, so as much as I would sometimes like to be selfish and tell you all about how I feel about her issues… I won’t. She deserves her privacy.

While I’m still sorting out what I have to say, and how to go about saying it, I do continue to post pictures on Instagram (username: thedestinymanifest). Please do come by and say hi there!

 

I’m Back, Baby! {Returning From A Blog Hiatus}

It’s been 7 months since I took a blog hiatus, and almost a year since I blogged on a regular basis. I had gotten bored with it, to a degree, and I was feeling confused about the direction my blog was headed.

I enjoy writing sponsored posts that tell a story that is relevant to my family, but I do not enjoy feeling like a sell-out, or like I’m just doing it for the money. I like writing about my kids, but I do not like their punk classmates using my stories to tease and bully. I like being honest about the mental health challenges my daughter and I face, but I don’t want to compromise her privacy either. I wanted to share my pregnancy and write about the anxiety and fear I felt, carrying a baby after Clara died, but I had too much anxiety to even write those fears down.

Basically, I just felt paralyzed when it came to blogging, and my short break turned into a long hiatus. After I while, I didn’t even miss it anymore… too busy with the new baby to have time for anything “extra”.

Well, fast forward to this week… I sat down at the computer to do some basic maintenance on the blog. I kept getting weird messages that my blog went down for 2 minutes at a time, and I figured I’d better check it out and see if something needed updating. It turns out that my theme was outdated, and I needed to fix a few things, clean up the dust of abandonment… and somewhere in there, the writing bug bit me, once again.

I’m still not 100% sure of how I’m going to handle all of the things I mentioned above, but I’m working on it.

So…  I’m back, baby, as much as I can be with a 7 month old and the tweens’ schedules to juggle. I can’t promise there won’t be quiet weeks, but I can promise that I won’t disappear for months on end again.

I love this place too much to stay away.

Returning From A Blog Hiatus

Their Stories Are Not Mine To Tell

Their Stories Are Not Mine To Tell

You may have noticed that there are a lot less blog posts on The Destiny Manifest today. I’ve left the more popular posts on crafty stuff, recipes, as well as many of the posts I’ve written about my journey through grief and loss… but I’ve removed nearly all of the personal family posts about my children.

This change has been a long time coming. I didn’t realize how public I’d actually made my children’s pictures and stories, and when it finally occurred to me, I still didn’t do anything about it immediately. I have decided to stop writing about the girls from now on, because they are older now, and their stories are not mine to tell.

That wasn’t enough though, and that became apparent when a group of tween misfits decided to cyber bully one of my daughters via social media. They created a false account and posted her picture, and then later, created an impersonation account in her name, using another stolen picture of her. It took us many days (and a police report) to have those pictures removed, and it really illustrated for me how much I have underestimated my family’s presence on the internet.

I’ve spent days making my public social media outlets as private as possible, setting thousands of pictures to private on Flickr, and removing blog posts that I now feel are too personal about my children. I’ll still blog, I think. But I’ll be a lot more mindful about what I post from now on. I love saving beautiful stories about experiences for my daughters to remember, but now I will save them only for my children, instead of the internet at large.